She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
