I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
