respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
