Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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