you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
