Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
