I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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