when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
