So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
