OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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