Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
