so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
