You don't have asthma, your pregnant
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
