I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Come on in and take your pants off
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