Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
