Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
