i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
