I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
