Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
