dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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