First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
