so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
