we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
