I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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