All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
