Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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