i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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