i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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