theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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