don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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