Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize