she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
