9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
