She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize