Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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