I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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