Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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