i already hear my dad disowning me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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