I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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