I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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