Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
