no, he came in my armpit
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
