just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
