John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
