if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
