where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
