His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize