I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
