i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
