am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
