Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
