hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Girls should come with a carfax report
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
