You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
