we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
