I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Say something about gay babies.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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