I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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