he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
