My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
