I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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