I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
