your parents love me but you hate me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
