Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
