I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
