I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
