I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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