so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
