Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
