I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
