For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize