the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My vagina is very pro this idea
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
